i,m not making xcuses for the way ive lived my life, but have sunk myself into "the pleasures of this world"quite wholeheartedly.
mostly to escape my own demons, ironicaly due to serving god!just wondered if any of u guys went completely off the rails when u left n indulged in "unwholesome activies" like me.or maybe its jus me that ended up completely f**d up?
Does a food addiction/eating disorder count...?
I have big issues with food and dieting and weight and I am definitly an emotional/comfort eater, and I know that this all stems from issues as a child...
Luckily the rest of the bad stuff I have managed to keep under control - either kept things to a social or merely experimental level!
i was just wondering how many of you still get a quezy feeling in your stomach after hearing someone on the news use the phrase "peace and security" or after reports on the news of all the large earthquakes that have been reported this last week or so?
i know we can all rationalize that there are always earthquakes and wars etc.... but i swear, no matter how hard i try to shake the sick feeling in my stomach when i hear all this stuff i can't seem to do it.
i still have visions in my head of what armagedon will be like from all the pictures i grew up seeing in the publications, talk about scarred for life.
Yip, they really did brainwash us with that ... Gosh, I remember lying on my couch at home in the afternoon (I was recovering from an op, so I was at home for the week) and watching CNN as 9/11 happened, I swear, I nearly went to a meeting that night, and boy did my mom have a field day (scuse the pun) when she called me to discuss it...
Try living in one of the most violent, crime ridden cities in the world, everyday something happens here that my mom uses as a reason to believe that we are living in the last days...
But as one of the other posters said, I think that the only thing that is truly scary is Global Warming...
i don't post much but sure do love reading everyone else's post.
everyone here for the most part seems so normal (for apostates, haha).
so, i was born and raised a jw, baptized at 14, disfellowshipped at 17, reinstated at 28. the only reason i think i did that was because after 10 years of no contact with my father, mother and little sister they came to visit me (they lived on the east coast i live on the west coast) and i was so overwhelmed with seeing them and talking to them and hugging them, i wanted so much to please them and have a relationship with them again that i fooled myself into thinking i needed the "organization" and jehovah's approval to be worthy of their love.
You are not alone!!! Whilst our situations are different, if you read my biography, you will see that I have also lead a double life to a large extent for the last 12 yearsand I hate that I am almost 30 and still afraid of disappointing my mother and losing the fragile relationship I have with her! Although my mom knows I do not attend meetings, I still try so hard to avoid anything that cause conflict or disappointment on her part... but I do not want to spend the rest of my adult life, being controlled by these fears of disappinting my family! My Mom is one of those people who truly is never going to see any wrong with the society and I know that if I officially walk away, she will shun me. My Dad I am not so sure about, he is a bit more down to earth and was DF'd once, when I was a teenager, and I share a very different relationship with him and I don't know if he ever will truly shun me, and my sister, well she is a bethalite and married to a MS and I know that they will definitely shun me. These are hard things to deal with!
Since reading and posting on this site regularly, I have found a lot of encouragement and support and all I can say is just keep reading and participating in this forum, sooner or later, you will decide what you need to do... I am still figuring it all out!!!
i just wanted to to write quickly and let you all know how proud i am of myself... .
this weekend, hubby and i took the kids to my mom and dad for a visit.
i have avoided doing this for a while, just because i get so stressed when we get together.
Thanks for your encouragement folks, it means so much to me!!!
i just wanted to to write quickly and let you all know how proud i am of myself... .
this weekend, hubby and i took the kids to my mom and dad for a visit.
i have avoided doing this for a while, just because i get so stressed when we get together.
Hi all,
I just wanted to to write quickly and let you all know how proud I am of myself...
This weekend, Hubby and I took the kids to my Mom and Dad for a visit. I have avoided doing this for a while, just because I get so stressed when we get together.
For example, if they come to my house, I do a massive tidy up, hide all my son's controversial toys (you know - what he calls "Armies" - little green soldiers, water pistols that resemble guns, and that sort of thing) make sure there are no birthday/christmas/mothers's day cards, hide my sex and the city dvd collection, etc... I am sure you will understand, anything that my mother could come across and use as a reason to fight with me, things that would "disappoint" her, and then would start the gulit trip...
Anyway, I digress... so this weekend... I decide that we will go visit them and I decide that, screw everything, I am not doing the whole Double Life Hide Anything That Would Offend Mom or Dad routine, so my son went in his camo shirt, and took one of his "armies" with (see the aformentioned definition) and my little girl started singing "happy birthday" for no reason except that she likes to sing and that is a fun song, and you know what, I did not flinch, my heart did not beat faster, I did not start breathing fast or blush, or all the other panicky things I normally do when I think my cover is about to be blown, I just carried on, as normal. My mom looked at the little soldier and said in her usual voice of JW disapproval " What on earth is this" to which my son answered innocently,"it's an army Gran", and I said nothing. When my daughter started serenading us with Happy Birthday, my mother asked whose birthday it was and I said no one, she just likes the song, and no comment was made about the camo tshirt.
And when we left my parents house, I felt calm... just fine... not relieved that we had survived another visit, just calm. And a small incy wincy part of me was even disappointed that she did not react hugely to anything, because I would then have had things out with her once and for all... I guess as I read this and think of what I am telling you all, the point is this... In the last few weeks of reading and parcipating regularly on this forum, I have started to feel not so all alone and guilty and bad anymore, I am getting stronger and maybe, oneday I will actually take a stand, and truly walk away!
Thanks Guys!!!
i'll start.. i love the jerky boys and "prank" candid camera/punked types of humor.. i also love r&b, soul, funk and disco.. now what can you tell us about yourself that we might've never guessed?.
I live in Africa
so, this week i was invited to a baby shower being held for my very oldest friend - she and i were toddlers in the same cong, went to the same school, did talks together and aux.
pioneered together... after i left school and subsequently the borg, her and i kind of lost touch (although i did go to her wedding (at age 18???
) ) and we have chatted on and off over the years, and seen each other once or twice since then (she came to see my kids when they were born).
So, this week I was invited to a baby shower being held for my very oldest friend - she and I were toddlers in the same cong, went to the same school, did talks together and aux. pioneered together... After I left school and subsequently the borg, her and I kind of lost touch (although I did go to her wedding (at age 18???) ) and we have chatted on and off over the years, and seen each other once or twice since then (she came to see my kids when they were born). Fortunatly I already have commitments for the date that the party is being held, so I am releived to have an excuse for not attending, but I am also really really sad that I did not actually want to attend, mostly because I just can't deal with being in a room full of JW's and feeling their dissapproval and listening to them trying to encourage me back etc. She is not my best friend, but she is certainly the first and longest!
Geez, I don't know if what I am saying makes sense, but I just needed to get this off my chest!
im thinking often about finding a therapist to talk my burden off my shoulders.
since many years i have noone to talk to.
im lonely while having plenty of friends.
spend a lot of time breaking down a lot of JW concepts
But think howmuch time you could claim as incidental witnessing...
Sorry... back to the serious stuff
im thinking often about finding a therapist to talk my burden off my shoulders.
since many years i have noone to talk to.
im lonely while having plenty of friends.
Hi there
I left the org about 12 years ago, by moving out of home and literally walking away and didn't really think about it, or the psychological effects of what I had grown up with and that sort of thing. As the years have gone by, I realised that one can't just walk away - the JW doctrines and beliefs are so ingrained in our psyche!
I did see a shrink for a few sessions about a year ago, to try and deal with PND. A lot of my childhood issues, with religion and the control that I still feel my mother has over my life came up and I have to say that discussing them with the shrink really did no good. She did not get what I went through at all, and had no understanding why I could not just initiate a civilised conversation with my parents about why they should just leave me alone. I stopped going to the sessions because I started feeling like a failure - I just couldn't start the converation that she wanted me to have with my folks. I just letter the drugs take their course and got over the PND by myself.
Hanging out on this website and reading everyones experiences have been hugely therepeutic for me. I have probably spent more time and bandwidth on this website than any other, ever (not even Facebook).
Anyway, I know that my situation is different to yours and I am not saying don't see a therapist, but whatever you do, hang in there... you will figure the way out eventually! Good luck!
my 17 year old daughter told me 2 men were at the door saturday looking for adults that lived in the house.my wife and i were out of town for 2 days.they had suits on and carrying book bags.
they asked if she was over 18. she replied that she wasn't.
they left without indentifiying themselves.
People who are tring to recruit for Amway do the same thing...!
